Dude, Whose the coach yaar ?

India has been known to be a country of suspenses and surprises. Some of the more recent ones include - "Will Tulsi finally die ?", "Will the Gujjars stop fighting ?" and well, something more relevant to me - "Dude, who will be the next coach yaar ?". The former two have got decent and satisfying answers, but the last of the three questions is going nowhere but to Timbaktoo as far as the Indian board is concerned.

As I entered the Chinnaswamy Stadium for the Afro-Asia Cup games, there were some young men in their 20 somethings engaging in a serious debate about India's next coach. In Kannada they conversed through and through and when it stopped making any sense to me, one of the guys raised a question that seems to puzzle every Indian fan, and even the Board officials. One guy suddenly stood up and in a typical Indian fashion popped up this question to his mate, "Dude...just tell me who will be the next f***in Indian coach." And spontaneously, his friend replied, "We wont know until the BCCI decides." Was that the answer I was looking for ? Not quite to be honest. And as soon as he tried pacifying his friend, a man who knows everything about this process emerged from nowhere - Sunil Gavaskar. And what more than these two guys giving their lungs a run for their money by screaming "SIR, WHO WILL BE OUR NEXT COACH ?". Known for his ducking, Sunny gave their concerns a major slip and left the question to destiny and the BCCI.

I seriously do not understand the process the BCCI has initiated for the appointment of the next coach, for there is not one. Some of these officials travelled to Bangladesh with an intent to watch our heroes return home with glory and some revenge as it was being advertised as. Drifting from the post, NEO Sports carried a pre-series advert with the copy as, "It takes the whole of India to beat Bangladesh". Aptly so, it reflects the shoddy state of Indian cricket. Coming back to this coach-crunching, Niranjan Shah made heavy statements like "Whatmore has a bright chance of becoming the coach of India, but we will see." A fortnight later, he is out of the fray. Thats the level of indecision that is doing Indian cricket more harm than good. And now, its down to two men, with relatively meek credentials for perhaps the toughest assignment concerning the game - Graham Ford and John Emburey. I have my own take on these two "gentlemen".

To begin with, lets bisect or trisect Graham Ford's coaching abilities, stints and achievements. The man has not played international cricket for South Africa and is presently the director of coaching at Kent County Cricket Club in England. He had a very successful tenure as the coach of the South African team, when he took over the reins from Bob Woolmer as soon as he was sacked after the 1999 World Cup. Almost all the Indian media have been ranting airwaves and print-space about how good a coach he was - especially tickers on prominent news websites and channels carrying a copy saying "South Africa won 9 out of the 11 series when Ford was coach". Thats blind reporting for you. There is a dark side to this man, especially because he was in charge when Hansie Cronje was involved in the match-fixing saga of 2000. Now, to say that Ford had no knowledge about the happenings would be clearly stupidity. He has come out and denied his stake in the imbroglio, but thats what you do when you are in the race for the Indian job. As the coach of Kent, all he did was to import talents from South Africa in the form of Andrew Hall and Martin van Jaarsveld, who have been scoring rather heavily. I have not yet come across a quality homegrown talent to come out of the county since he took over some years back. If you say Geraint Jones is one, I am afraid it sounds bulls*** to me. Oh, how can one forget the disastrous stint he had with Kwazulu-Natal Dolphins, a state franchise in South Africa, where he resigned after a year ? Thats about it about Ford - he comes across as an ideal candidate for the BCCI. A man who can shove things under the carpet supremely.

Now its over to John Emburey - in some people's words an average spinner who was rather lucky to play a decent number of games for England. Yes, everyone is honoured to be a part of the Indian coaching setup, but this man in his fifties is honoured to the tee. His coaching report card shows just red and more blues. What the hell are his credentials ? A coach who got relegated with the counties he managed like Northamptonshire and Middlesex ? If thats what we need, get him ! And the man has begun his PR ever so efficiently. He spoke to a news channel in India and made tall claims like "If I were given the job, my immediate priority would be to help India get to the No. 2 spot", something that every coach has on his quotesbook. He furthered his claims by saying, "I have taken note of whatever happened before and I am willing to work with the players and its all about exchanging respect". Again a claim with castles in the air than realizing the ground reality.

Oh, did I say India have missed the bus already by saying a no-no to Whatmore ? Oh yes, they have big-time. During my research interviews for the book I am working on Sri Lankan cricket, the interviewees felt that Whatmore was the best man-manager in the business today. And the strong foundations he laid in Sri Lanka have been expanded into towers today. He brought in Alex Kontouris with a clear vision to help Sri Lanka improve its fitness and the testament to that would be injury-free Sri Lankan bowlers playing today. If our post-mortem of the World Cup was going anywhere, these two areas were of utmost priority for India as a cricketing team. And I am afraid, by ducking out Whatmore for whatever reasons it could be, India have surely taken three steps back in the coaching market. Yes, he spoke out of turn, but who does'nt ? And the Indian media, who are occupied with TRP/Readership boosting sensationalist moves, declared him as the next Indian coach even before his name came up officially. And the Board fell for the heapload of crap published by the media.

And lets dwell into this crisis a bit more. I read somewhere that the Indian team for the tour of England and Ireland will be named on the 12th of June. Maybe that date would change soon. Our so-called coaches selection committee meets on the 9th of June to hold "discussions" with the two candidates. So expect a week more for the final outcome to sneak out. So here we are going to have a man, who does not know who he is going to work with, till he is appointed and will virtually have no say in the selections, for he does not know the potential of an RP Singh or a Rohit Sharma and goes by mere reputation and newspaper reports and all that is going to end up in is UTTER CHAOS !

Look at the Sri Lankan scenario and you feel ashamed of being Indian cricket. They have invited top level Australian coaches to take their cricket forward and we guys are still held up with some names that should'nt have come up at the first place. Be it Terry Oliver or Trevor Bayliss - these guys know their cricket much better than Graham Ford and John Emburey. Thats where the difference is. And thats where the difference is going to show in the next four years.

As I sign off, I will also ask the same question those two guys did, "Dude...just tell me who will be the next f***in Indian coach ?"